if you like me you must not know who I am
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
