Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
