i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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