Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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