I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
