accomplished twins. life is a go
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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