i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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