yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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