onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
