What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
