the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize