and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
