I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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