the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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