he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
