Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
