yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
