do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hippo gnu deer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
