i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize