3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
