I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
