So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
