He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
