Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
