So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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