his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
