Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
