The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
