don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
