How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The adults are the big ones right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
