eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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