There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we have officially lost it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
