I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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