DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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