genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
operation have a gay friend backfired
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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