I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
