you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
