covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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