I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
