i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
