Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
