I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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