Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
