party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
