I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
