Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
