I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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