I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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