This is not my ceiling
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
