I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
