have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
