i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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