drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
