i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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