A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
