I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
