There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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