I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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