i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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