I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
