when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
