OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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