your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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