I need to stop coming to work sober
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
