Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
