Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
