oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
